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I just re-read my post from last night and had a few more thoughts.

I don't think I'm saying it would be okay to say mean things or not treat me well if I did like myself better (i.e. I would handle it better, so it would be okay). I don't really think that is the case. Perhaps it just wouldn't be as soul-crushing for me when it did happen, or even more profound, maybe I would not feel some fear-driven need to put up with it.

I also know many people have insecurities and I'm not asking anyone to feel sorry for me or for some "poor Kathleen" attention. I'm just more thinking out loud...as I usually do...and this happens to be a big thought on my mind right now. I also think many of us could hopefully learn a bit by identifying our insecurities and then asking - where did they come from? why do certain things bother us so bad? do they cause us to lash out at others when they really do not deserve it? why do we not trust certain people? do we really want to live under this cloud forever? if not, how do we find the sunshine? how much are we missing out on in life because we are too afraid or think we are not worthy?

In writing this (i.e. thinking out loud), I also have began thinking about "situational" insecurities (i.e. current job, relationship, lack of job, health, etc) vs. those deep-rooted ones that have been there forever. At first I was going to say I thought they would be two different things, but now that I think more about it, I think they may be more related than we think.

Okay - enough rambling for now...at least for a little while! See, this is what happens when I take a few days off working out, my mind goes ALL over the place - and you get to read about it! (aren't you so lucky?)
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CoachLiz said…
Ugh! Kids can be so f--king cruel to each other. I was a nerd at school but it was mainly because I was not allowed out of the house to hang out with people. That labeled me as a loser. No one ever said anything nasty, they just really never said anything in conversation with me unless they had to for class work. I though it was funny when I had all of these kids who were too good to talk to me in school want to talk my ear off as adults at my 20 year high school reunion.

I know that God does not make any junk but I do know that he allows somethings or some people to take time to find their talent or to reach their potential. I just see myself like a bottle of good wine. It gets better with age and if you wait around a little while longer, I might just knock your socks off.

Geek sisters unite! :)
March 10, 2010 at 3:59 PM
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