My heart hurts. Bad. I hope this is all part of the ups and down of taper time and goes away after Ironman because it is getting very old. I had two great races this weekend, but neither mattered and my heart still hurts. This sucks. I feel like I'm in some state of limbo and absolutely cannot find my way out. I think I'm out only to find a huge roadblock slammed in my way. Then I'm back at square one again. I'm really hoping the finish line in Arizona provides closure on one part of my life and an open door to the next - not another door slammed in my face because I was too late or not good enough.
Sigh. Here we are again. We knew all along we would be able to start the process for baby #2 when Sloane was nine months old. I had said we did not necessarily want kids that close together, but knew just because we started then did not mean we would get pregnant then. If I had only known how true that is becoming. Silly us had started having visions of three kids. The only way we can have three kids is to have things go smoothly, not lose embryos, and not lose time. Well, so far we have lost an embryo and a lot of time in the quest for our next baby. I breezed through prep for our transfer in early May. The stress load was so much less than before because I thought we had it figured out. We had Sloane as a great distraction. My lining was better than it has ever been before - by far. Then, the day after Mother's Day, I found out it did not work. And I was immediately thrown back into the depths of infertility hell....
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