Is that how it goes? I'm about to be a huge Debbie Downer, so read no further if you don't want to hear me complain for a while.
Do you ever wonder what life is really all about? What your purpose is? I'm wondering that right now. Sometimes I thank God for all the fabulous people I have in my life and think I am so lucky, yet at other times I feel completely, totally invisible, and beyond lonely. I'm feeling a bit that way now. I'm sick of not being good enough. I'm sick of not being fast enough. I'm sick of not being pretty or skinny enough. I'm sick of not being part of the "popular crowd." I try so hard to do the "right" thing. I feel like I am constantly bending over backwards for people, and 99.9% of the time I love doing so and don't expect a single thing in return. Sometimes though, I just need a little something, some sort of reassurance, that people do appreciate me and the things that I do. If no one appreciates it/me, what is the point? I feel like these days I'm getting far more slaps in the face than anything else. I know what doesn't kill you is supposed to only make you stronger, but gees. Sometimes I just need a break. Something good.
Ok, I'm done complaining. I just need a hug or 3 (one from a cute boy wouldn't hurt :-) )
Do you ever wonder what life is really all about? What your purpose is? I'm wondering that right now. Sometimes I thank God for all the fabulous people I have in my life and think I am so lucky, yet at other times I feel completely, totally invisible, and beyond lonely. I'm feeling a bit that way now. I'm sick of not being good enough. I'm sick of not being fast enough. I'm sick of not being pretty or skinny enough. I'm sick of not being part of the "popular crowd." I try so hard to do the "right" thing. I feel like I am constantly bending over backwards for people, and 99.9% of the time I love doing so and don't expect a single thing in return. Sometimes though, I just need a little something, some sort of reassurance, that people do appreciate me and the things that I do. If no one appreciates it/me, what is the point? I feel like these days I'm getting far more slaps in the face than anything else. I know what doesn't kill you is supposed to only make you stronger, but gees. Sometimes I just need a break. Something good.
Ok, I'm done complaining. I just need a hug or 3 (one from a cute boy wouldn't hurt :-) )
Comments
And you need some rest too, but hopefully not as peaceful as that. Fatigue is affecting your perspective and probably causing some depression. From where I sit, if you don't mind that it is me saying it, you are one of the popular, skinny, beautiful and athletic girls. You'll see it too when your eyes are no longer lying to you.
Hope to see you at a race soon....sunmart is a long way off.
Hey no worries bad days are like farts, they sting for a second but before you know it the stench is gone.. Keep your head up kid...
Hey, I'll be rocking Twin Lakes this weekend, hope to see you there...
Is it a boy thing? For me it's always a stupid boy thing. You are skinny and before I met you and saw you at races, I was awe-struck, thinking wow that's the girl that did IM arizona and you appeared so with-it and confident. I think you still are, but we all have our bad days.
I just met you, but I like you because you are real. Not like some fakey-so-called "popular" people - whatever that means at this age.
Isn't it crazy that we are successful educated women and stil have these freak-attacks? ugh.
Now, if we had a nice fella like Greyhound in our lives, it would help. Crap - why doesn't he have any nice male friends? He told me it's because most of friends are women, like you and me.
I'm having a hell of a week too. I have my game on for the run and the swim is gonna be o.k. for Lone Star, but I have not been on my bike on the road since November!!! It has been all Cycleops time. I told my husband, who is finally in town this week, that I had to go out and ride the roads and he questioned why I had to go all the way to Galveston to do it. The knocking you hear is me banging my head on the wall.
And to top it off, I can't eat wheat or corn and there is fukn' corn syurp in my favorite York pepermint patties. I'm trying to grow my hair out and this week I have been channeling Wolverine from the X-Men or Elvis in his Vegas prime. I'm bummed because I had to miss the HRTC meeting because my kid is failing math and I had to be at a school meeting. I'm feeling guilty because I should be more concerned about my kid's math grade than missing yet another talk from Jennifer at VO2 Max that I think I have heard 2 times before. I want a dog but I may be allergic to them. I look like an idiot in a dress and Easter is next week. Yadda yadda yadda.
O.K. we are both done dumpping. You rock girl. I'm never gonna be able to catch up to you on the Ironman count. You have me beat hands down.