Skip to main content

I'm Confused

Confused about life. Seriously. Sometimes I wonder what's it all for. Other times I have no question in the world about what it is all for. I tried to sleep tonight and couldn't so I quit trying. After two packages of 100 calories cupcakes, I'm at least not hungry any more, but no less confused. Maybe just that much further from my weight-loss goal. Oh well. The cupcakes tasted good. They don't confuse me.

People, on the other hand do. How can nice people get crapped on and mean people seem to just walk through life with no trouble? Is it worth even trying so hard to be nice and caring and to do the right thing? Is life ever going to make total sense? I doubt it. Some mystery or confusion is good - it keeps you thinking and engaged in life, but constant confusion isn't so good either. There is stuff going on all around me with people. Some of those people don't confuse me at all and others confuse the hell out of me. Some treat people terribly, others are getting treated terribly, and some people are nice for seemingly no reason at all.

I also wonder if I'm ever going to be good enough. At what? I'm not totally sure...life I guess. I feel like I always get a huge foot in the door and then just stay there, never getting any further. I'm kind of ok at a lot of stuff, but am I good enough at any of it? Life included? That seems to be an answer I'm looking for a lot lately. I think I'm looking mostly to other people for that answer and I doubt I will find it with anyone. There will be people who say "oh you are good enough...just not for me or this or that."

Comments

Jill (& Bob) said…
I think it's totally notmal to wonder what this is all about and what you are good enough at doing. You're good enough to do Ironmen, you're a fabulous and supportive friend, you're great at cheering others through their low spots in life. I am certain you are good enough at all of those and many more.
July 2, 2008 at 8:15 AM
greyhound said…
This may be an echo of the previous comment, but never fear. What you're feeling is just what it's like to be in your 20s--especially if you're a girl. (Boys don't stop playing long enough to think this way until they're middle aged.)

And beyond being "good enough," you have a gift. People gravitate toward you because you are genuine and open and encouraging--even people like Supalinds who had met you only through your blog before CdA. When they are with you, they are better than they were before. Heck, that's not a gift, it might be a superpower or a ministry.

You're more than good enough. You're the best.
July 2, 2008 at 8:46 AM
Junie B said…
Dont listen to Greyhound ;o)

Its kinda the same when you're in your 40's too...we are good enough, no matter what others may tell us or how their actions towards us makes us FEEL...we just have to remember...
July 2, 2008 at 12:12 PM
:) said…
Greyhound is a smart man... :)
July 2, 2008 at 12:54 PM
Anonymous said…
You know, it is sort of funny. The ones who question whether they are "good enough" are often some of the best people. And those who never question themselves along those lines are often.....well, let's just say they are not always the best. And age does not necessarily matter in this one. So I think to question yourself is ok, but listen to everyone here when they say you are very much good enough!

Also....never stop trying to be a good person. It may not seem like you get the benefits sometime, but you do have to live with yourself too!
Bob.
July 3, 2008 at 1:28 PM
CoachLiz said…
Hey chica,

I'm the one who is not worthy. Where is Wayne and Garth when you need them. You have done more training and IM races than I have and I am afraid that with CdA and possibly Florida, I may never catch up.

If it helps, I found out at my 10 yr. HS class reunion that all the cute guys that I would have loved to had a date with were finally brave enough to talk with me. They said they were intimidated by how smart I was and that I was also an athlete in school. Weird. But I still would have like to go on a date!

Face it, we are just too damn good!!! Keep your chin up. There are a few guys I know who would think you are good enough for them. They would love a date, but just don't know if they are good enough for you. ;0)
July 3, 2008 at 3:37 PM
Jane said…
General advice from a shrink (free too!): everyone feels confused and wonders what the hell they're doing. You make look at some people and think they have it together and they actually do not. No one is ever "good enough" because most of us have these impossibly high standards. The truth is that most of of muddle along.

I also believe in some type of karma; those mean people who seem to make out okay - they usually end up getting what they deserve in the end.

Anyways, we like you!
July 4, 2008 at 12:49 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Still here. Still infertile.

Sigh.  Here we are again.  We knew all along we would be able to start the process for baby #2 when Sloane was nine months old.  I had said we did not necessarily want kids that close together, but knew just because we started then did not mean we would get pregnant then.  If I had only known how true that is becoming.  Silly us had started having visions of three kids.  The only way we can have three kids is to have things go smoothly, not lose embryos, and not lose time.  Well, so far we have lost an embryo and a lot of time in the quest for our next baby. I breezed through prep for our transfer in early May.  The stress load was so much less than before because I thought we had it figured out.  We had Sloane as a great distraction.  My lining was better than it has ever been before - by far.  Then, the day after Mother's Day, I found out it did not work.  And I was immediately thrown back into the depths of infertility hell....
Post a Comment
Read more

Into the Donor Egg World We Go

As I sit down to write this, I'm shocked to see February 27, 2022 was the last post I've written about our IVF journey.  In some ways, it seems like so much has happened over the last year, and on the other hand it seems like nothing has happened at all because we are back to square one. I'll provide a quick summary of the last year, but please understand this won't even begin to describe the true roller coaster ride we have been on.  I actually don't think it is even appropriate to call it a roller coaster because that indicates there are some ups.  Our ride has been more like a train ride through hell. After our failed transfer in February, we decided to take a break in March to let my body rest a bit before transferring our next embryo.  During that time, a friend reached out and told me about her friend that hadn't had success here but did at CCRM in Colorado.  At the time it almost felt like a divine intervention, but I now know better.  We spent seven...
Post a Comment
Read more

We did it!

21 comments
Read more