Cancer Sucks

Last night HRTC had its annual race directors meeting. Greg Johnson was there to promote the Stephanie Johnson Tri, a race I did last year and vow to be a part of from here on out. I asked how Stephanie was doing and he said not great, but he somehow manages to still have this incredible attitude about it. Instead of sitting around and feeling sorry for himself and his family, he has gotten out there and done something about it. Last year they raised over $40,000 for cancer research and for families affected by cancer. I hope they can raise even more this year. What would I do in his shoes? Would I have the courage and drive to even get out of bed every morning and face the day? I do not know. He again thanked me for raising money for the American Cancer Society through my IM fundraising, but even that feels so insignificant. I told him Ironman is one of the most selfish things a person can do, and that I'm not sure I could do one without it having a bigger purpose. He said my passion for the cause is what is important. I continue to pray for Greg and Stephanie every night and am just amazed at how their spirits are still so full and loving.

Today two co-workers and I volunteered in the family room of the Oncology room at Texas Children's Hospital. We brought lunch and Valentines goodies for patients and their families. Once again, I cannot imagine being in any of those people's shoes. The kids were so grateful. We made instant friends with one kid named Kevin that came back 3 times for more food, but said he'd be 30 minutes between time #2 and #3 because he was going to watch Family Feud. He thanked us for being there and said we were just awesome...all while walking around attached to his rolling pole/contraption/IV. I saw two babies in there that were probably less than a year old. Gees. I can't imagine. Everyone was beyond grateful and appreciative. We made more than a few kids smile today, even if just for a second, and I'm happy about that. We decided we'd like to go back as often as possible. We met one woman who was getting food for her son because he did not feel well enough to come in. She also asked us to pray for her son, if we were in to that kind of thing, because he just found out his cancer was back. All I know is his name is Clayton and he's 14. He will certainly be in my prayers from now on.

Lastly, I got a call from the dermatologist's office today telling me the mole they removed from my back recently looks funny and they want to take more out. Nice. I told them I'm training for an ironman and asked how long I should stay out of the pool and they said at least a week. You know that won't happen. I'm not super worried about that, but they also said any movement at all will cause worse scarring and slow the healing process. It is on the edge of one of my shoulder blades, so no movement is pretty much out of the question. They said it isn't melanoma, so it isn't a huge deal, but I'm just feeling sorry for myself about a lot of things right now. I'm angry at myself because I talk to Greg, I see all the families today, and I tell myself how grateful I am to not be in their shoes, yet I'm not totally content with my own shoes. Am I looking for something I'm never going to find? Am I selfish beyond belief? Am I just plain normal? Is karma going to haunt me for taking what I have now for granted? I thank God each night for everything that I do have, but does He see through that? The only thing I know to do is to keep doing what I'm doing. I really do hope my fundraising can make a difference, even if only a tiny blip on someone's radar screen, or that maybe I can inspire someone else to do something similar. I think I am pretty content being me, and that there isn't much I would change, I just need to snap out of it sometimes and remind myself that there is more to life than just today, and just me.