Kathleen's Adventures

How do I do it? What is the secret? I clearly do not know. I have always thought that a little humility goes a long way, but at the same time I am realizing having a total lack of confidence in myself is not helping me in the least. When I look to others for that confidence, or know someone does believe in me, I am good to go, but when that someone, whether it be a friend, boyfriend, or family member no longer believes in me, my world is shattered - sometimes just for a short while and other times I think a part of me is gone forever. I am just so torn on all of this and just plain don't get it for the most part. So what if I walk around through life really thinking I am great and it turns out I really am not? Then what? I look to others to judge where I stand because to me it does not matter if I think I'm great - if no one else does then what am I left with? Me, my great self, and absolutely no one else. I did something awesome just over a week ago. Really, really awesome. I ...

What are you supposed to do when the people closest to you think less and less of you the more they get to know you? The people who know you, but don't know you well, say you are great, that you do good things for people, etc, etc. But those closest to you don't think the same. They see more and more of an ugly person the more they get to know you. They are less and less impressed and then eventually decide you aren't worth their time and energy. What are you supposed to do? When it happens over and over again? Crawl in a hole where no one else is, that way there is no one to let down or disappoint? Lose a heart so you don't care what people think? Just accept that you are never going to be good enough? I just don't know. I do know this is a disturbuing trend in my life and I hate it. I feel disgusted at the thought that deep down I really am not a good person. I know God will not give me more than I can handle, and I pray about all of this each night. Sometimes it ...

I left Houston around noon on Thursday and picked up my mom (aka my driver) in Beaumont. We stayed just past Mobile that night and then drove into Panama City around noon on Friday. I had planned to do a test swim since I was using a borrowed wetsuit (thanks Jill Gellatly!), but then did not see anyone else swimming and was not about to do it by myself. I decided to go lie on the beach for a while and as soon as I got down there I saw all sorts of people swimming and decided I should probably do the same. I went back to the room and changed and brought the wetsuit down. It was very windy and rough by the afternoon and I was left slightly traumatized after floundering around in the breakers for a while. I called my practice done after about ten real strokes, lots of floating and riding the waves around. The pasta dinner was not that great, but when is it ever? It was nice to sit with the other athletes and meet people. We sat with four guys from Carrolton, GA and it was the first triath...

Warning: This is going to be long, but I have to tell my pre-marathon story to make my marathon story more meaningful. January 18, 2003 was the first time I ever ran a mile in my life…no lie. A boy dumped me that day and started something huge. Over the next 2 months I ran every other day on the treadmill following a "couch to 5k" plan I found on the internet. I was interning in Houston at this time and pretty much hated life. I did look forward though to getting to run, and running a tiny bit farther each time. By spring break when my internship was over, I could run 3 miles in 30 minutes on the treadmill. When I went to run outside, things were much different. At first, I could only run about 15 minutes without dying and going home, so I basically had to start over to be able to run outside. By April, I could easily run 3-4 miles at a time around campus. I had signed up for the Danskin Triathlon in June and was swimming and biking to get ready for that as well. I was offici...