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Believing in Me

How do I do it? What is the secret? I clearly do not know. I have always thought that a little humility goes a long way, but at the same time I am realizing having a total lack of confidence in myself is not helping me in the least. When I look to others for that confidence, or know someone does believe in me, I am good to go, but when that someone, whether it be a friend, boyfriend, or family member no longer believes in me, my world is shattered - sometimes just for a short while and other times I think a part of me is gone forever. I am just so torn on all of this and just plain don't get it for the most part. So what if I walk around through life really thinking I am great and it turns out I really am not? Then what? I look to others to judge where I stand because to me it does not matter if I think I'm great - if no one else does then what am I left with? Me, my great self, and absolutely no one else.

I did something awesome just over a week ago. Really, really awesome. I know that, but somehow there is still some huge disconnect and I feel like it does not really matter in the least what I did. My head knows it was good, but my heart does not, if that makes sense.

I guess I also have a problem with listening to the right people. Plenty will tell me I am a good person, deep down, and that I have done some very good things to help others, but I can easily forget about all of that, or fail to believe in that when even just one person believes otherwise. Maybe I have always put my stock in the wrong people, but how do I know who the right people are?

I know I have to start believing in myself, and find confidence in myself (not just the things I do, but me as a person). I do know this, and I really have known all along, but every once in a while something happens that just slaps me in the face as a huge stark reminder. I think if I believed in myself certain things that happen would not be so debilitating and might not seem like the end of my world. I just have absolutely no idea where to start. Do they offer "Kathleen is awesome" classes anywhere?

Edited to add: I guess maybe even more important than believing in me is believing in God's plan for me. I pray each night that I can have faith in his plan - some times are much easier than others to believe in that plan, or have unquestionable faith in that plan. Why does He have to let people like Kristi die? Why does he have to let people's hearts break? I know we will never fully understand, but that we also aren't necessarily supposed to. I do know that faith in God is the only thing that has helped some people live through unimaginable situations.
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