What are you supposed to do when the people closest to you think less and less of you the more they get to know you? The people who know you, but don't know you well, say you are great, that you do good things for people, etc, etc. But those closest to you don't think the same. They see more and more of an ugly person the more they get to know you. They are less and less impressed and then eventually decide you aren't worth their time and energy. What are you supposed to do? When it happens over and over again? Crawl in a hole where no one else is, that way there is no one to let down or disappoint? Lose a heart so you don't care what people think? Just accept that you are never going to be good enough? I just don't know.

I do know this is a disturbuing trend in my life and I hate it. I feel disgusted at the thought that deep down I really am not a good person. I know God will not give me more than I can handle, and I pray about all of this each night. Sometimes it is just really hard to keep going and trying to be a good person when those closest see right through it.