Friday night. One year ago. The worst phone call I've ever been a part of. I was in Beaumont watching TV with my parents after dinner. I had come in for a bike ride the next day and a childhood friend's wedding Saturday night. It was rare I was home with them. I'm still debating whether I'm glad I was there or not. Part of me is glad I was there for them, but the part of me that worries I will be haunted for life by that phone call selfishly wishes I had been hundreds of miles away.
The phone rang and Mom said "oh, I bet it is Doug calling to complain about the Astros." Aunt Tootsie's name popped up on the TV caller ID. Mom answered and I could tell immediately by the tone of her voice that things weren't okay. I heard her ask "Linda Mattingly?" as she walked down the hall. Dad continued eating his ice cream and watching TV. I was already sick. Mom got off the phone and said Tootsie had said Uncle Buddy had just received a text from the law firm where both he and Linda worked saying "please pray for Linda - her husband was killed in a car wreck this afternoon." We spent 5-10 minutes feverishly scouring the internet for any news of a car wreck. We asked what other Linda's worked at the firm. We assumed it just couldn't be. Mom tried to call a few people who might know and disappeared back down the hall to the bedroom. After a few minutes I got up the courage to walk down the hall and ask what she had found out. I just said "was it him?" and she nodded yes. I walked back down the hall, shaking, into the den where Dad was still watching the Astros and eating his Blue Bell and I crawled into his lap for the first time in 25 years. I was bawling as I told him it was indeed Doug, his best friend of over 60 years, that had been killed in the wreck.
Doug, aka "Dr. Doug," was like a second dad to me. I spent every Saturday morning when I was little "at coffee" with him and Dad - most often at the crappy hotel on the corner of 11th and I-10. God only knows that people thought of two men in their mid-to-late 50s with me...with a bowl cut. I never seemed to notice anything off about it though, and I'm glad I didn't. I was eight when Linda came into the picture and not long after Dr. Doug casually mentioned "oh, by the way, we got married last weekend." That was his typical sense of humor. He flirted with every waitress in town, often with his wife sitting next to him. He was our dentist since we had our first tooth and didn't retire until after I had gone to college. He and Linda moved to Woodville sometime while I was in college after his retirement. He had several acres there to raise his greyhounds. They hosted 15 or so of us during Hurricane Rita in 2005 and we all decided after that Woodville was not nearly far enough north when I hurricane comes!
Dr. Doug has been to four of my ironmans. Mom and Dad have been to five. He only missed my first one because Mom and Dad only thought they were going to "pick up the pieces, most likely in the ER" for that race...not to watch me actually finish. He came to Arizona 2008 (97 degrees), Coeur D'Alene 2009 (48 degrees and raining), Florida 2009 (nice, actually), and Texas 2012 (May 2012...need I say more?). Who in their right mind volunteers to go watch me do four ironman races who is not bound to it by blood? Dr. Doug. That's who. At his visitation and funeral I met more than one person from Woodville who he had told all about me. They knew about "Ben's daughter" that raced the crazy races. The last time I saw him was after I finished Ironman Texas 2012 - 13 days before he died. We have a picture from that night that I will cherish forever. He sticks out like a sore thumb in his yellow shirt though because he conveniently began to lose or forget the pink Team Woodhead t-shirt as he got more experienced at watching me race. We were all so, so happy that night. The night before the race he was in our hotel suite drinking beer with Dad. He kept saying he would get out of my hair shortly and I assured him he didn't need to leave any time soon. I'm glad I didn't.
I still get sick to my stomach thinking about that night. Mom had been talking to Linda when she told me it was true. We felt so helpless. Mom wanted to drive up to Woodville to be with Linda, but she said she was just sitting in the dogs' house and needed to be alone. Mom and Dad agreed they would go up first thing the next morning but that I should probably stay back. I ended up going to my bike ride - the one organized ride Beaumont has a year. I was doing the 50 mile ride - all the fast people did 100. I ended up leading the 50 mile group with full on police escort all the way down Calder in Beaumont. It was only a few minutes, but very memorable. I was bawling as I barreled through stop light after stop light, alone, with the police holding traffic. Sounds silly, but some how or way, I felt it was my little moment made possible by Dr. Doug. I rode the 50 miles alone. The last rest stop was hosted by Germer Gertz - the law firm where Linda works. I ended up talking to one of her co-workers and we found ourselves both there in tears. She, too, had heard all about "Ben's daughter" and we managed a laugh or two at Doug's humor. It was nice to share that grief with a complete stranger for a few minutes, but also made it all too real. Mom and I ended up going to the wedding in Jasper that night, and hated we were out on the road so soon after the wreck. Thankfully we made it there and back just fine.
The visitation and funeral for Doug were both very nice. I was able to have a little fun looking back through pictures to pull some out for a slide show. I saw ones I'd never seen before, and ones Mom wouldn't allow to be publicly shown :-) I had offered to read or whatever they needed at the funeral and we decided I'd read Psalm 23. Amazing Grace has never been the same for me after too many funerals, and now Psalm 23 will never be the same. I had Mom's old white Bible with a zipper on it that I remember playing with as a kid in my hand as I pranced right up to the front to read. I was cool, calm, and collected, and planned to stay that way. Not two lines into the verse and I couldn't speak. It hit me in the face so hard I will never forget it. Good thing most people know that verse because nothing I did after the first few lines could be considered audible. Afterwards Dad gave me a hug and said I had done a good job. I said no, I had done a terrible job. He then said "well, I think people know how you feel." That hug and complement are also small moments that will never be forgotten. Hugs and complements are hard to come by in my family.
I found out after the funeral that Doug had been heading back to Woodville that Friday afternoon after going to town to get pool cleaning supplies and beer for Dad. We were planning to have "Splash Day" there that Sunday afternoon. He was on a two lane highway driving behind a logging truck. A pickup behind him tried to pass both his Camry and the logging truck. He wasn't able to make it and swerved back into traffic between the logging truck and Doug, causing Doug to veer off the road and into a tree. Linda and Doug's brother went to see the far a few days later and Dad's beer was still in the back floorboard, untouched. The pickup truck was never identified or caught. Figures.
This is by far the hardest death I have had to deal with. I guess in some ways I'm lucky I haven't lost someone closer to me, and cannot fathom the day that does happen. However, I think the suddenness of this is one of the worst parts. Dr. Doug and Dad were supposed to grow old and senile together - grumpy old men. The other terrible thoughts were Dad without his best friend and Linda without her husband of over 20 years. My heart aches for them, over and over again. I am absolutely not okay with this and do not know when I will be. I get a huge wave of overall "grossness" over my body whenever I think about that night. I cannot imagine what Linda feels. That being said, she is doing amazingly well. She is a strong, strong woman. She came to the Houston Marathon with Team Woodhead and keeps saying she wants to "watch Kilimanjaro" (when I climb it this August). At lunch after the marathon she was rearing to go for whatever was next on my calendar. My friend mentioned Coeur d'Alene in June 2014 and she immediately said "I'll go!" I think she will be glad to know Team Woodhead is going to Florida in November 2014 and there will be a room with her name on it. I am so thankful to have had Dr. Doug in my life as long as I did and am thankful as well for Linda's continued presence in my life.
I don't know why I'm just now writing about this. Well, actually I do. It just hurt too bad. I'm hoping maybe getting it all out will help alleviate a tiny bit of the pain. I also want to share just how special Dr. Doug was to me and only hope he has some small idea of that.
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