I have to keep reminding myself. A few weeks ago I had an "oh yeah...." moment when I remembered that I had said all along if I did end up doing IMFL after IMCDA, that it would have to be "totally for fun." I'm trying to remind myself of that a lot lately, but so far things have still been fun for the most part. My only "issue" now is that getting a PR by over an hour at CDA was one of the most fun days of my life...hmmm...so how does that all play out heading into FL?
I think it means instead of the "have fun" mentality I need to have the "anything can happen out there" mentality - as in I am not guaranteed anything on that race course on that day, nor is anyone else. I can keep a good attitude about it and remember that I am doing it all for fun, but need to also remember not to expect anything other than 140.6 challenging miles. I can hope for a good finishing time, hope to meet or exceed the subconscious goals that some little voice in my head set within minutes of finishing CDA, but I have to stay grounded in all of it, no matter what the day brings me. Between now and then, I can work on bringing the best Kathleen that I can bring to the table, but I have to constantly be conscious of who the "best Kathleen" is. I think she is the one who had fun throughout the whole process and looks at the race as the party at the end of a grueling semester, icing on the cake, or 13-14+ hours of socializing with people as crazy as I am...not necessarily the "fastest Kathleen" I can find because I think I would have to give up too much of the me that I am now to become that person, and so far that person is not someone I am interested in. I have way too much fun to take all of this stuff too seriously. And I suck at being competitive. I think it is probably a good thing that I'm not any better than I am, and that I'm not racing for a podium spot every time I race. I could not handle it!
When I look at my actual training, I think I am slower at everything right now, but it is hard to know for sure. Running is definitely slower and has been a struggle ever since CDA. But it is freakin' hot outside. Plain and simple. That may be 100% of my problem or just 10% of my problem, but I just have to go with the flow there because I will not get to know for quite a while if it is the heat or something else. Swimming is swimming. Heading into IMFL, I will have more yardage under my belt during the previous 30 weeks than I once thought imaginable, but I do not necessarily think that means I will be faster than I was at CDA or at any point last year. I can hope at least though that maybe the swim will not take a whole lot out of me and I'll be rearin' to go when I hop on my bike. Biking has been the hardest to get motivated to get out and do, but the last few weeks have been better. My tolerance and enthusiasm is still fading drastically after about four hours on the bike....I need to somehow extend that another 2-3 hours!
All this stuff being said, and the fact that I love to race, I am so not looking forward to racing in Clear Lake tomorrow. I'm looking forward to the day in general, and the race in general, but not the thought of actually having to run a 10k, in August, after swimming and biking. It is going to be plain ugly and my attitude about it certainly won't help anything. I'm seriously assuming right now that I might end up walking half of it and at this moment I really do not care! (not good!) It will be fun to see so many people out there and fun to hang out after...but the run....oh the run... I have also put so much negative energy into the run I have not even thought much about the swim and the bike! They could go well or be complete disasters as well. None of this is helped by the fact that my legs are interested in a break, not more beating. I did my long run for the week last night, and while shorter than normal (we did 10 miles), it still kicked my butt. Oh well. I do find comfort in the fact that while I'm doing all this complaining today, I know myself too well and know that tomorrow however hot or gross it is, I'll be smiling on the run (at least at some point), and will get to cheer on all my friends and fellow club members from the middle of all the action - right where I like to be :-)
I think it means instead of the "have fun" mentality I need to have the "anything can happen out there" mentality - as in I am not guaranteed anything on that race course on that day, nor is anyone else. I can keep a good attitude about it and remember that I am doing it all for fun, but need to also remember not to expect anything other than 140.6 challenging miles. I can hope for a good finishing time, hope to meet or exceed the subconscious goals that some little voice in my head set within minutes of finishing CDA, but I have to stay grounded in all of it, no matter what the day brings me. Between now and then, I can work on bringing the best Kathleen that I can bring to the table, but I have to constantly be conscious of who the "best Kathleen" is. I think she is the one who had fun throughout the whole process and looks at the race as the party at the end of a grueling semester, icing on the cake, or 13-14+ hours of socializing with people as crazy as I am...not necessarily the "fastest Kathleen" I can find because I think I would have to give up too much of the me that I am now to become that person, and so far that person is not someone I am interested in. I have way too much fun to take all of this stuff too seriously. And I suck at being competitive. I think it is probably a good thing that I'm not any better than I am, and that I'm not racing for a podium spot every time I race. I could not handle it!
When I look at my actual training, I think I am slower at everything right now, but it is hard to know for sure. Running is definitely slower and has been a struggle ever since CDA. But it is freakin' hot outside. Plain and simple. That may be 100% of my problem or just 10% of my problem, but I just have to go with the flow there because I will not get to know for quite a while if it is the heat or something else. Swimming is swimming. Heading into IMFL, I will have more yardage under my belt during the previous 30 weeks than I once thought imaginable, but I do not necessarily think that means I will be faster than I was at CDA or at any point last year. I can hope at least though that maybe the swim will not take a whole lot out of me and I'll be rearin' to go when I hop on my bike. Biking has been the hardest to get motivated to get out and do, but the last few weeks have been better. My tolerance and enthusiasm is still fading drastically after about four hours on the bike....I need to somehow extend that another 2-3 hours!
All this stuff being said, and the fact that I love to race, I am so not looking forward to racing in Clear Lake tomorrow. I'm looking forward to the day in general, and the race in general, but not the thought of actually having to run a 10k, in August, after swimming and biking. It is going to be plain ugly and my attitude about it certainly won't help anything. I'm seriously assuming right now that I might end up walking half of it and at this moment I really do not care! (not good!) It will be fun to see so many people out there and fun to hang out after...but the run....oh the run... I have also put so much negative energy into the run I have not even thought much about the swim and the bike! They could go well or be complete disasters as well. None of this is helped by the fact that my legs are interested in a break, not more beating. I did my long run for the week last night, and while shorter than normal (we did 10 miles), it still kicked my butt. Oh well. I do find comfort in the fact that while I'm doing all this complaining today, I know myself too well and know that tomorrow however hot or gross it is, I'll be smiling on the run (at least at some point), and will get to cheer on all my friends and fellow club members from the middle of all the action - right where I like to be :-)
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